Theory of Everything

So I feel I have everything or enough to understand that the information that is here in bits in pieces and not organised (you should see my room! hehe) it is overwhelmingly clear to me that all of the physical we see relates to the non physical that we cannot see..for instance ..us being incomplete ..we all can agree ..and choas that we see is incomplete as well not yet brought into an order we understand as order.. but what most may not see is this chaos has to be here for our freedom of choosing many many things if this chaos did not exist it would be like a black hole were everything is forced into a sinularity ..no time seconds are then mathematical can be divided forever ..but with chaos we leap over all of these infinite divisions and onto the next ie movement of time and of us .... but this is not what this page is for ..even knowing that there is something more ..in my mind ..and even though my life has been a life of disaster after disaster with sporadic breaks of semi ok things ..I would totally carve my head off with the dullest spoon every made ..but here i am and here you are as well ..I really do not feel 100% secure as far as death is concerned ..I looked at death as an atheist and see an after life of self awareness happening when each of your brains selfawareness configuration arises again ..not memories of course so we will never ever know we were here before ..and no i am not talking reincarnation that is like your spirit with memories that are attainable under possible hypnosis ..just the small part of the mind that makes us know we are awake..so next we have a soul and so obviously with just a soul and no heaven then souls are more then likely before the physical and became physical so here reincarnation seems to be the best answer under that ..but i question this belief heavily because i would be kicking the hell out of all that made this type of planet for us to be beat the hell out of down here ...this life is a bitch and a punishment ..so someone is paying for this crap ..moving on we have God creating and then what makes the most sense since we are suffering or at least I am enough to know it is a punishment ..well that lines up with the bible ..this so the two choices i see that seem to fit best is atheism or bible based ..all the others sorry does not match what i see in nature ..and atheism does not match all the other simple thoughts and tests ..like if that is the case then hell we can have mulitple self awareness the same exact as we have ..again if some scientist removed your selfaware part of the brain and stuck in someone elses you would have all their memories and know you are awake ..replicate this over and over ..its becomes silly ..and far more confusing an complicated as you change the variables ..so I have to conclude that the bible fits ..I am not saying anything of the miracles only one Ressurection ..as shown if you believe we are incomplete and you believe there are wrongs .. well why does a sacrifice in the bible that does not say exactly how it works ..happen to work perfectly to eradicate this when the answer is finally revealed through digging hard and using the entire bible written across a large span of time by different people that allows you to pull the secret as to the how and why it works to erase a wrong that we indeed know exists ..its incredibly too coincidental ..it even makes it clear the sentence that was NEEDED to be spoke on the cross "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" even that is cleared up and all the gifts he got fall perfectly in line with what he should of gotten ..how is it that all these pieces fit and they are scattered through centuries of writings ?? there just is not an argument that could resist cold hard facts not physical but book wise that matches what we see and the cure that it would have to take if God did exist ..my point is ..suicide I cannot do because i have no clue what happens ..sigh ..