Theory of Everything

Now we come to Depression this is a lack of something in us ..be it chemical /genes or sometimes heavy losses of loved ones ..people go over the edge in different ways some turn to depression others lash out in anger personality plays a role of course .. either way we shall look at depression that leads to suicide or attempts of or thoughts of ..Now people that complete this are said to be selfish ..yes I suppose so but selfish to whom? See what they are thinking in some cases or more than some is they  do not matter to you ..the point is they cannot FEEL much pretend that part of their mind the part that can feel they are important to others is non existent or partial missing ..now you can seriously like this person but they do not feel the worth of themselves and not because of some pity party they just do not feel it ..and are numb ..so when contemplating suicide they do not think or reason so and so would struggle hard without me ..they think so and so would get along just dandy and may feel bad for a brief moment but nothing more than that ..so selfish is not involved in their minds ..or if suicide is from loss of a loved one they can feel nothing else except that loss it hit them so hard they cannot deal with this loss ..and again a type of numbness or lack of ability to reason enough to know how badly they will be missed is not there and its a shame ..Robin Williams just took his own life recently and that truly sucks ..he was just diagnosed with early onset of parkinsons disease ..now he battled depression his entire life this news set him over the line ..and I truly doubt he gets just how deeply crushing and empty and alone his wife feels ..here is a guy that could say and do the funniest things a genius of a comic and to have just that part taken away from her is devastating ..its like someone that is always there helping you with laughing stress release every day and poof they are instantly taken ..yes i feel it was selfish to not go out slowly and steadly so his wife could adjust or atleast tell her that when things get bad enough that he is not near the person he was that he is ending it ..God he only had a short while longer to go ..This life can be the most difficult thing to go through ..see with me for the FIRST time in my life do I feel someone actually needs me in their life ..my entire life I have not felt that way no one could break through the mind numbness the callused over brain I have had believe me I felt no one ..I wanted love no doubt but could not feel it no not even from my mommy hehe ..it was not till recently that I released how much i am needed by one person and when I was going through a gangrene appendix that needed to come out ..I was scared to die because I would have crushed her ..I know for once she needs me in her life ..and I truly need to be there for her .and the thing is I am still afraid of myself of my mind because of this numbness  but I go on daily knowing that it does not matter who likes me who does not my JOB is to breath till my last breath to stick it out till the bitter end .. so I am not going out if i can help it ..and now I finally have a reason in my life to want to do this ..this life has been a mother fucking asshole!! I hate all the thinking all the BS like when I have to prove a point I KNOW i have good ones but to get them all down about soul god after life ..to show that ya there is enough reasoning to put a non biased person in the realm of gees it could be .. .but.in the end because you cannot place it under a microscope, though science loves to speculate what came from what even though they have no proof of there idea ..they blast them out in the public and figure it will be proved rite or wrong later ..well I feel i can say that as well GOD did make all matter ..and it will be proved later see ..but you do not see because you do not want to see you want research grants and the gov wants power with a GOD out of the way its the gov that gives rights ie the power defaults to them .. wow so hard to see ..